This hat, y’all. It’s giving Charlie Wilson from The Gap Band.

It’s giving Salt ‘n Pepa’s highly underrated country and western-flavored bop, Gitty Up.

It’s giving She’s the Sheriff.

But my sunscreen loses every battle with Philadelphia’s humidity, and melanin is mesmerizing, not magic. My black may not crack, but it definitely burns.

So when yours truly needs a timeout from ultraviolet rays and sun protection that doesn’t wear off, this wide-brimmed sun hat, snagged from my neighborhood’s closest “mixed-race Rite Aid,” gives this dark-skinned lass safe cover when the sun’s rays feel more like a slap than a caress.